Keeping your anger away from your dealings with the narcissist in your life may seem like a really tall order, but you'll find it surprisingly useful once you master it. This tip works for two sorts of anger: the sort that originates in reaction to the narcissist, and the sort that originates from some other source.
You should refrain from communicating your anger to the narcissist because:
1. A narcissist takes emotional cues from other people and mirrors those emotions back. If you get angry at a narcissist, a narcissist will get angry at you.
2. A story will emerge from the narcissist, and the reason for the anger may sound plausible, but it's a story created to explain the emotion. The narcissist does not realize the anger is a reflection of your anger.
3. The narcissist's anger is likely to divert you from your original point. Your issue may get lost in the demand to pay attention and fix what the narcissist now says needs fixing. You're unlikely to get your point across. You're unlikely to get a satisfactory resolution. If you do get a resolution, it's likely that the solution implemented is likely to fade before long.
You should refrain from communicating with the narcissist while in anger about something else because:
1. A narcissist needs your attention. When you are angry about something else, your attention is focused on you and what you are angry about. The narcissist will do something to reclaim your attention. He might find something to be mad about, maybe develop some sort of important problem, or possibly pile on against you in whatever you are upset about.
2. Since a narcissist mirrors the emotional state of important others, your upset is likely to be the narcissist's upset too.
For these reasons, you may find it easier and more effective to process your anger on your own, or with support of someone not prone to take on your emotions. It's important that you do feel, understand, process and address whatever angers you. Suggesting that you minimize the anger you show in the presence of a narcissist is not also suggesting that you stuff, minimize, or ignore your anger.
So, Tip #4: Find ways to process your anger that don't include the narcissist in your life. Calming down and then thinking things through before approaching a narcissist will help make your life smoother.
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